Doesn't fit in well, does she?

Sometimes being different shows your individuality, which is good.. but sometimes being the only one that different from a bunch of people who are the same, really makes me uncomfortable and intimidated. Different interest; different things to talk about. Even though some say I'm in the right level as them, but it seems like I'm waaaaaaayy below the standards. I'm not trying to be the same, but it is just hard to connect. It's like they are more 5th avenue and I'm more SoHo - i dunno.. seems like it. Don't get me wrong! I also love those brands that stretching out along 5th avenue, but it's not me. I'm more into those unknown and uncommercialized.

But who cares? Those are just LABELS! and for me, people are the same. It's just the individual's need that makes us different from each other. Right?


Just found out that my worst nightmare would happen.
Please God, oh God
Don't make it happen


Between: Being Selfish, Bonnaroo & Loollapalooza

Ok. What did i say to myself for the past.. 2 years?

"Guys who already got what they want after trying and trying hard to get it, will not do anything in exchange"

And yes, now it just hit me again. Again and again and again and always. Stoopid me. Here I am trying so hard to ignore and not to care. But maybe, i'm just being selfish yet another time. What's with me and being selfish, ey? First thought that came to me actually was.. this is my last days of my period; so maybe it's because of that. I dunno, i just don't want to crawl into that place and situation again.

Or maybe, this isn't the right time to be all mushy-mushy-cushy-cuddly 'cos exams are right in the corner peeking at us and all pressure are on us. Talking about exams, i have a practice writing exam tomorow, better not forget it! Don't forget to bring a dictionary and stuff.

BY THE WAY!! Jovan came to my apt today. We talked and laughed about stuff and suddenly he said "Nam, Bonnaroo??" (Bonnaroo is a summer concert & art festival in Tennessee) So he checked online who's on the lineup. I think it's a pretty good lineup! Bonnaroo festival lineup includes Jay-Z, Dave Matthews Band, Kings Of Leon, Stevie Wonder, Weezeer, Flaming Lips, Phoenix, LCD Soundsystem, The Gossip, The National, The XX, Kid Cudi, Langhorne Slim, OK Go, Angus & Julia Stone and much more! (More on the lineup: Bonnaroo!) Well, er.. if i'll go to that festival i'll probably watch a little of it. So, Jovan suggested Loollapalooza (Loollapalooza is a summer concert & art festival in Chicago). Now! HELLO HELLO! This is one, i got dips on it! The lineup is super super duper yum-yum-nyom!! The lineup includes Soundgarden, Green Day, Lady Gaga, Arcade Fire, The Strokes, Phoenix, MGMT, The Black Keys, The National, Cypress Hill, The New Pornographers, Erykah Badu, Grizzly Bear, Gogol Bordello, Mutemath, Metric, The XX, The Temper Trap, Stars, The Big Pink, Freelance Whales, The Morning Benders, Mumford & Sons and so much much much MORE!!! WOOT WOOT!!! SERIOUSLY?!?!?!?! FARK FARK FAAAARRKKK!!!

Now, since we had that conversation, Jovan and I made this crazy decision to take a road trip to CHICAGO~!!! CHICAGO OH CHICAGO!! xD First, Jovan decided to take the plane to go there but it cost him $200++, then i told him why not rent a car and drive?? aaannnddd CAN I SAY ANOTHER WOOT WOOT?!?!?! So both of us are really psyched to do this!! We're actually gonna ask some of our friends so we can get 5 or 7 people to go too! ANYBODY WANT TO JOIN US??? The ticket for Loollapalooza is pretty much cost $200+ too, but it is all worth it! I PROMISE YOU!!


take a deep breathe for a second..

yes. maybe some of you already know that 2/3 weeks ago i had a little itsy bitsy emotional breakdown, as you all read the previous-previous-previous post. Yesterday, because i was being selfish, that emotional breakdown almost came back. like.. really little part of it actually. due to the awkward situation and hot/humid weather and lack of talking, those breakdown really made my night a little bit stressing.


so, yeah, this morning i just realized that i have a building construction's quiz on sustainability problem aaaannnnnnddddddd... i haven't studied it yet. Stoopid me 'cos last nite i was busy working out the awkward situation. But then, HELLO HELLOOO PROBLEM NUMBER 2! Since my autoCad on my windows boot camp already expired, (SHIEYT FAK, DOUBLE FAK DANG IT!) so i decided to do my english paper first. THEN! after skipping my english class today, which actually i have a practice exam that i forgot, i went for my math class. Math class was pretty good. We have started integral and stuff, which i like! So, after math class, i ran myself to my school's library and borrowed an economic book, which i photocopied 2 chapter of it that.. is such a useless thing that i did today. That was so unnecessary, you know? What should i photocopied like 20ish pages that i actually dont need?? -___- I dunno what's wrong with me. Yeah, after that and returning the book, i ran myself again to the 10th floor computer room to do my building contruction's midterm correction, which is the one that i need to use autoCad. I done pretty much all of it except the axonometric drawing. Which IS SO IMPOSSIBLE TO DO IT WITH CAD! SHIEYT FAK, DOUBLE FAK DANG IT AGAIN! I tried to do it with SketchUp but it didn't work out. So i tried my best to do it on Cad, which was a terrible decision to make. This whole situation equals to i do not have the time to study for my building construction's quiz. Yeah.. you know what's coming up. I came to the class around 6.30ish or 6.45ish cos i have to finish the autoCad drawing first. So yeah, i came to class where EVERYONE ALREADY TOOK THEIR QUIZZES! WHICH WAS DANG IT! I cannot cheat or anything like that cos im gonna be the one (and some people) that'll be doing it while the class is seeing slides of buildings. I tried my best though. I think logically and came out ok (i guess). I didn't read the part where it said "choose all correct answer of the options given", so i just choose 1 from A, B, C, D or E. At the end of the class, the professor wanted to discuss the quiz and we have the opportunity to correct it (well, it because someone in the class said "how can we study it without knowing the questions & answer??") so yeah, we kinda corrected it and stuff.

Class is done. I went to Whole Foods to buy dinner which ended up eating there alone before going home. It's kinda depressing actually. Eating dinner at Whole Foods, alone, while everyone in the store with somebody buying groceries for tomorrow night or something. Dang it! After eating my dinner, i went home and directly grab my economy practice exam paper. I tried and tried to understand it and finding the answer through the book but HELL NOH! i cannot take it anymore!! I just wanted to burn the book and cut it into pieces or something! Shieyt.. how can anybody learn this stuff and be a professor? -____- i rather be a math or an art teacher than be an economy teacher!! Well, my friend said that maybe i'm more of a right brain or something. I dunno, what's right brain and left brain's characteristics?? :\

WHOA! i wrote a lot today! [o_O] blame the weather and economy? I'll surely blaming economy for this. DANG YOU ECONOMY!! I DO NOT WANNA BE YOUR FRIEND! GAAAHH!!


i think today should be the best time to greet summertime

heeelllooo?!?!?!?!??!?! how come is it so hot? -__- i keep on sweating! my apartment really hot and the texture of my sofas are really bad for summertime's hot weather.

What would be good right now is:

1. swimming pool
2. the beach
3. ice cold lemonade or peach tea!

Hm.. and a couple of hours ago was also not a good time for me to be selfish. I dunno, sometimes i think being selfish is good but at sometimes being selfish is also not good. And sometimes, being selfish at a wrong time and at a wrong situation equals really really reallllyyy awkward situation and i'm sure you dont wanna be there. Ngek..


well, oh well..
new york's weather is really nice today! a little bit cloudy but izolokay (read: it's all okay)!

i wanna write something personal, but.. there's something really bugging me out. how personal is too personal? so i can adjust how i'm gonna write it. :\

serem sih kalo udah nulis sesuatu yang personal ternyata dibaca-baca dan disebar-sebar.. lumayan GR juga sih ada yang baca, tapi mau cerita aja. hehe.

so~ maybe i should just keep it to myself. if i feel like talking about personal stuff maybe i should write it somewhere where nobody can read it or something. Yep.

waddefak is this supposed to mean anyway?
ignore this post people! :P

while i'm craving for brownies in the middle of 4AM

Just saw a couple of pictures of my brother & his girlfriend's trip to Bali.. and now i'm craving for a trip outside NYC! (and of course brownies!) gggrrrr.. i just can't wait for this term to end! at least i have 4-6 days off before starting off my summer classes. SO! i have decided to go outside NYC!! please oh please! i don't care if it is just Boston or Rhode Island, or better yet CANADA! but i have to go to the Canadian consulate and get myself a visa >:] but i dunno when.. i haven't got the time.. well, not really.. hauhauhauha

mmmmmmmmmm i'm craving for everything!! Going back to Jakarta after summer classes, go to Canada and visit Vania in Vancouver, take a little road trip across USA, take a kick boxing class, have some me time doing.. i dunno like capturing a moment or some some, I WANT EVERYTHING!! AAAAHHH!

Hey, wouldn't it be fun if we can go to Canada for a couple of days?? Go to Montreal or.. Toronto, discover the place, discover both of us outside NYC?? mau mau mau :{ i'm craving for an adventure, dude! i'm craving for us to go outside NY and take a road trip or something. i want to have a trip with you.. yuk?? hehe *dramatis lebayatun*

brownies, where are you?