These are the last days of 2009

on these last days of 2009, i wanted to reminisce my good slightly bad days of 2009~ :P let's see if i still remember those days tho. hahaha!

1. i had my new years with my dad, my mom, my 2 sisters and my big brother at Do Hwa. It was slightly weird cos everyone i know there was my big brother's friend. And it was surprisingly weird for my big brother too. haha!

2. i went back to JKT to spend my last days of winter holiday before Spring semester 2009 began. I think i went back for just 2 weeks top(?) and.. man, was I regretted it cos i just spent it with my ex. Yeah.. right. That was actually my reason to go back home

3. And then those days gone by like a snap of a finger! *SHNAP!*

1. well actually.. the HIGHLIGHT of this month was that i broke up with my ex. Yes. At the end of this month. Like, 26ish? 27? 28? :\

2. I started my blog! Yeay!

3. Getting ready for my first traditional dance for this charity event downtown with Saung Budaya!

MARCH 2009:
1. still recovering from my heartbroken. But i knew i could pass through all of those stuff. It's just another moment at life where we should love ourself more than other people.

2. And heck YES! my first performance with Saung Budaya. We danced saman for that charity event. It was a success! and yeah i was a little bit over the top (LOL!) that's because someone told me to be like that.. aka *cough*cough*, you know who you are if you're reading this missy!

3. I started to join twitter! Haha! if you still don't know what my twitter is, you can follow me up on www.twitter.com/namskidut or just click "follow my twitter" on my twitter widget :]

APRIL 2009:
1. and on this month.. i had to get myself together, i had set my mind, i had to put myself out there to one little thing. What was that again? I braved myself to get a monroe piercing. Ow~ Yeah! That was a terrifying yet new experience for me dude. i wish i still have it now tho :( i tell you about this later on..

2. another dance practice after that last dance performance. This one was for Cornell University's event. I WAS PSYCHED FOR THAT PERFORMANCE! Because actually Cornell was my first choice for my college years, but yeah.. after knowing that Cornell is one of the Ivy League schools, my guts told me to slow down. hahaha!

3. ....what else? HAHA, kidding missy, i remembered what happened on this month :P IT WAS AISHA'S BIRTHDAY I TELL YOU! It was tuesday evening and i had class on the next day but whatever, i needed to meet with Aisha since she got back from her Amsterdam/Paris/London trip. So i went to Queens and said hi! But she was all like "where's my surprise?! I hate you guys! I always gave you surprises on your birthday but you guys never give me one! Go back home! I don't need you guys! i just wanna be alone on my birthday! I rather be in London with the other now! Go away!" -i know! such a drama queen huh? :P- but eventually, we did give her a surprise after Naomi's begging to go to Martha's Bakery. TAKE THAT MISSY! BETTER WATCH OUT FOR NEXT YEAR! >:P

MAY 2009:
1. Spring semester ended and summer classes has started!

2. It was my dad's birthday but unfortunately i couldn't be there like the other, cos i had my summer class :( sorry dad.

3. CHAMI went back to JKT to have her summer. aaaannnndddd...... guess that was it? :\ i think so, yeah.. no? ngek

JUNE 2009: Let's see.. what happened on my summer days?
1. I went to Metric, Santigold and the Maccabees' concert with Aisha, Jovan and Naldi

2. I remembered this one day where Aisha, Naomi and I went for the gym and went out for some drinks late at night. It was where this one sailor said something to us and Naomi was like all quite and shut her mouth HAHAHAH that was hell funny and hilarious

3. i bought a folding bike, rode it everytime i got the chance with Jovan strolling around New York City and Brooklyn ...aaaannnddddd I CUT MY HAIR!! :D :D

JULY 2009:
1. SEFI and i decided to go to Boston at 3am in the morning because we were tipsy after having a few wine, LOL! THAT WAS TERRIFIC!! Couldn't wait for another random trip with you lady :9

2. Aisha, Naldi, Brisko, Inchas, Jovan, Omar and I decided to have an early-VERY early-morning exercise.. aka play basketball while waiting for the sunrise

3. every weekend bicycling with NAJUNDA around Central Park. Or Jovan. Or Anjas, Inchas and Naldi. Or Naomi and David. But one thing that i surely couldn't wait for the end of this month was.. ALL POINT WEST FESTIVAL

AUGUST 2009:
1. INCUBUS' CONCERT with Najunda. OHK GOD! BRANDON BOYD WAS SURELY HOTHOTHOTHOT-SIZZLING-HOTHOTHOT!!! eventhough he didn't take off his shirt like in JKT :P but that's ok hauhauhaha

2. I went back to JKT cos i felt that i needed a few days to cool off from NY's drama :P (sshh- no need to tell this one out to the public, sorry)

3. Had my 19th birthday at Bandung because my mom had this thingamajig for 3 days. But it's ok as long i spent it with family. Aaaannddd... guess that was all of it in this month :\ couple of friends called me up to say happy birthday, some texted me, some facebook-ed me and some just said happy birthday straight to my face :]

1. Fall semester had began. Schmuck :( yuck, i don't like school.. i like my summer back.

2. it was EID MUBARAK FEVER! I went to see everyone on this very holy day. I had a lovely nice trip to New Rochelle and Scarsdale with Najunda, Wulan, Chami, Wina and Intan. Aisha and Naomi decided to stay in Queens and strolled around the neighborhood. And then after those trips, all of us hung out at Fahmy's house. That was a crazy week. I stayed at Sherwood for about 2/3 days i think. haha!

3. aaaaannnnddd nothing else happened cos i was out of the zone cos of my studio class =_=

1. i could say that this month.. was the month where i had to choose between something and something. Bbbbbbuuuttt~ i rather not say this on public. So yeah.. eventually, those somethings.. just gone like that :P


3. if i just said that this month was the month where i had to choose between something and something, well.. at the end of this month.. i actually chose 1 thing and chose to stay with just that.

1. one moment that really memorable to me on this month was ThanksGiving Dinner. 'ROFLMAO' is the only word that i would like to say

2. that fun night with Aisha, Wina, Intan, Marshall, Inchas and Nanda at Intan's apartment, that hilarious photobooth night with Aisha and Ema at Aisha's room while the other are watching some movies outside and that surprisingly unexpected night with Chami, Aisha and Naomi at the MoMA, around 5th avenue, at Sarabeth's and at Columbus Circle


DECEMBER 2009: wawawiwa~ we're at the end of the year!
1. from 6th-14th of december i was back at JKT for my brother's wedding! THAT WAS HECTIC! Whoa i tell you, Whoa! Started from the blessings then to the vows then to the receptions! And that was all in a different day =_=.. to top it off, i need to finish my college work before going back to the states! GAAAHHHH

2. Ok, frustrating days are over.. finals are done. no more school. AND SAY HELLO TO SNOW!! WOOHHOOO!! I WELCOME YOU WINTER! :D :D My little sister joined me back to the States and already stayed here for about 2 weeks. My dad, my mom and my other brother came last sunday and now i'm waiting for my other sister to come after new year :D

3. .........well i guess this one is for remembering all what happened on this year :) it was sad at the beginning but as i go on with my life, it gets better and better every month!




OK, while I'm waiting for my dad, my mom, my brother and my sister finish their thing before going out for dinner with my dad's friend (whoa! that's a lot to say :\) i want to write something for my blog! it's been a long time huh? maybe, 2 weeks? 3 weeks? :\ whatever.


how you've been? how's the weather treating ya? NY's weather been crazy for this couple of weeks! from not too cold to TOO COLD-YOU-JUST-WANT-TO-CURL-UP-INSIDE-A-BLANKET. What d'you know about this magical world, huh?! crazy little wind makes my nose red, it makes my ears frozen, it makes my feet shake like those crazy people on the dance floor. But it's ok. Finals are over! which means this is the time for me to have a good time with my family up in VERMONT!

YEP! VERMONT I TELL YA! We're going up there after new year, exactly at the 3rd of Jan, 2010. oooww~yeah! sliding all the way from the top of the peak until the bottom of the mountain of those great mountain of Killington. I CAN'T WAIT! aaaa~

But, before that... what should i do on new year? :\ i asked my dad and he said he just want to stay at the apartment and watch the fireworks from my apartment's sky lounge. I'm pretty sure that my mom wants to party (like again and always), i don't know about my brother and my sister though. Any suggestion? I know it's pathetic that i'm living at the city that never sleeps but i don't know what to do for new year's eve.. ngek

Talking about NEW YEAR.. everyone have been settling up their resolution for the year 2010. What are my resolutions anyway? :\ I never remembered my old resolution though. It's like i did it on every new year just for the sake of it but never did it along the way. Haha, well.. whatever, i'm gonna do it anyway :P Not now though! I need more time to think about those resolutions.. cos i'm still waiting for my mom, my dad, my brother and my sister to finish their stuff.

Woke~ maybe that's enough rambling while waiting. Write again soon!
While you wait for another post, keep warm people cos it's bloody cold outside! >_<


Here I am, in the corner

I'm in such not a good mood right now.. but I have a responsibility to be at class since I gotta leave this city tomorrow. Wadyu know? I've been stacking piles of work for me to work on later. Everybody will be joyfull watching my brother getting married, on the other hand.. me, faking a smile and trying to think how to finish all of the piles of work I have left.

When I am going to let out my real smile? I know I am overwhelming myself right now. With everything is chasing constantly behind me.

Eerrrhhhh I need more time, I need more energy, I need more sleep, I need another part of brain which can help me get through this. Wait- did I just say brain? Do I need a brain to get pass this? A brain, a hand, a friend, a support.. I need myself to get through this.

"You with the sad eyes
don't be discouraged
oh I realize
it's hard to take courage
in a world full of people
you can lose sight of it all
and the darkness inside you
can make you fell so small

Being Speechless, then

"I’ll never talk again
Oh boy you’ve left me speechless
You’ve left me speechless so speechless

I’ll never love again,
Oh friend you’ve left me speechless
You’ve left me speechless, so speechless"

Oh! Wait- I was tho back then..

Just came to my mind yesterday that I was really really upset and miserable for those horrible days up in the last days of February. I made a promise that 'I'll never love again' and stuff, but after months and months I never think about those horrible days anymore. Maybe I was naive back then? I don't know.. Maybe I was caught up by the moment that made me think giving out love to someone is over-rated and don't ever trust anyone but yourself and your best friend(s). Yeah, that was me.. back then.

Months after months forgetting about those days, suddenly.. it doesn't seem matter anymore. I don't need you to smile. I don't need you to laugh. I don't need you to be the best. I don't need you.

Hey, wait.. this post not really about.. ahem- him. It's about me covering up my naive thoughts. I'm still scared to open my heart to someone else and I'm still don't want to believe that someone will change what I think. Why? Because at the end, it is me that's going to be hurt. I'm not gonna fall for that second strike! I'm here for myself and I'm here to become the best that I can be.

What a post right? What is up with me being all.. err- how do you say this? melodramatic? Haha.. blame the song that I like and blame my insomnia. Oh, you know what I have discovered yesterday? I think I have an OCD. I'll know if someone change or move anything. YOU'RE THE ONE THAT TOLD ME. I don't know.. maybe I kind of like it?

Or maybe I already am breaking my own promise? A little cheat would not hurt myself right? Or it will? Some will say "you would not know it before you try it", so.. I'm trying here, you better not make me regret this ;P


I think i could post another one-
i dont care if my eyes are twitching now and then..


hey you,
i know you're reading this one
i keep on thinking about you
i don't feel like sleeping alone in this big bed -well, it's not actually big..
but without you by my side, it feels empty, and cold..
i have a heater tho, but you know i cant sleep with a heater on
i'll say 'i cant breathe!' later

hey hey,
alright i'll go to sleep now.

goodnight you.